August and Everything After

2009-08-27T07:50:00.000-07:00

Tonight after terawih I came upon a realisation:

This year, I lost Love, but re-gain Faith.

And so I begin to sleep through the night again.

:-)

2009-08-09T21:06:00.000-07:00

I read Sway: The Irresistible Pull of Irrational Behaviour a few months ago and one story in it caught my eye.

If I remember correctly, it's to explain that our behaviour is not always rational, half of the time it's swayed by the surrounding circumstances, internal or external. For internal conditions, it could ball down to things as simple as to how fast your heart is beating.

To prove this, an experiment was carried out. A woman was stationed at two places. She was firstly placed at the end of a hanging bridge. She gave her phone number to the men who just came off the hanging bridge. She was then placed at the end of a normal wooden bridge, and sis the same there too. The point is to see how many of the men from the hanging bridge would call her as opposed to the men from the normal bridge.

The result? The number of men who called her from the hanging bridge is double than those from the normal bridge.

The question is why? Is it because the men who went on the hanging bridge are braver/more confident to begin with?

To test this, another experiment was carried out. This time, the woman waited only at the haning bridge. The difference is, first, she gave out her number to men immediately after they got off the bridge. Then, she gave out her number to a second group of men, those who have gotten off the bridge for at least 10 minutes.

Interestingly, the number of men who just came off the bridge who later called her is double from those who had gotten off the bridge for some time.

The reason for the results? Scientists had attributed the reaction of the men to the condition in which they first saw the woman. Crossing a hanging bridge is naturally a more palpitating experience than crossing a normal bridge, as it is usually at a higher place and shaky. So, the hearts of the men who just came off the hanging bridge were beating at a faster pace. There was also the sense of having 'survived' a exciting adventure. All this contribute to attraction towards the woman who was waiting as they get off the bridge.

I found this VERY funny. I told this story to a colleague, saying that she may want to consider finding a hanging bridge next ;-)

----

I grew up listening to Bon Jovi. He sings:

"They say that no man is an island
And good things come to those who wait"

Many, many years later someone pointed out that my favourite places are all islands... Langkawi, Manhattan, the little Burano fishing village in off Venice. She then concluded that maybe I am an island myself.

This was an amusing thought to me. I then joked to further horrify her, "If I'm an island, then I would be one without a bridge, only daily ferries. And the number of visitors are limited. Visa is needed."

;-)

----

Two weeks ago I spent my weekend on an island in the sun. Expectedly, I had a good time.

Last week I spent part of my Sunday morning crossing bridges in the pale, lazy moonlight. Surprisingly, I had a good time.

parallel lives

2009-07-29T04:20:00.000-07:00

i often joke about how i should've gone to NYU instead of Harvard. reason being, i found another Fulbrighter who, like me, received both offers from both universities with benefits. the choice were:

(a) Harvard + scholarship + islamic law centre (for me); or
(b) NYU + lesser scholarship + research position under Kingsbury.

i chose Harvard.

she chose NYU.

she was my alter ego for LLM.

towards the end of our LLM year, we met again. because she worked under Kingsbury, who is a member of the International Law Commission, she went on to intern at the ILC. that was my dream since the second year of IIU. that, would be the reason to go to NYU.

i then thought, what could be the reason for which i'm meant to go to Harvard? i didn't know. i anguished over it, scared senseless that the year would be meaningless. i told H about this, and she said, "well, what do you do in Harvard? what do you enjoy best?"

my answer was, "grocery shopping (Shaws) at midnight," and added, "that can't be the reason i'm there. this girl is going to intern at the ILC!"

i felt helpless. so, H replied, "well, you have two months (to graduation) to find a reason".

two days afterwards i told him about this conversation with H. we were about to cross a road in chicago when i told him, "so, i have two months to find the reason why i'm at Harvard."

he stopped in the middle of the road, looked at me incredulously and while pointing at himself, exclaimed, "hello, Reason!"

i was shocked. and recovered just in time to retort, "well, when i said that, i meant i need to find a good reason..."

two years later, i'm still not sure what was the Reason. in fact, just earlier today, i began to entertain this question again.

and then i found an old email that my dad sent while i was there. he said -

"I think God has sent you to the right place."

and i felt my eyes tearing up.

so, i may not be sure of what the reason is. maybe it was him, maybe it's not. maybe it was to teach me something new about myself and what i'm capable of, maybe not.

but i now have no doubt that there IS a Reason.

i just don't know it yet.

epiphany

2009-07-29T01:58:00.000-07:00

epiphany of last week

i suddenly understood why people say "patience is part of faith (iman)".

Dictionary.com states that "patience may denote calm, self-possessed, and unrepining bearing of pain, misfortune, annoyance, or delay; or painstaking and untiring industry or (less often) application in the doing of somehing: to bear afflictions with patience."

patience requires one to wait, and believe in a force beyond us, something that is out of our control.

it's almost impossible to wait and not despair if you don't have faith.

epiphany of this week

this came about as i was reading the latest Malcolm Gladwell book, Outliers. the basic theory of the book is that we should stop attributing success to the successful only. success is the result of the efforts/characteristics of the succesful plus the circumstances surrounding him, including his society, family, opportunities.

the second part is out of the control of the successful. it could be something a strivial as which year and month he's born in, where he grew up etc. the second part refers to fate.

this whole theory is a description of Qada' and Qadar.

that's SO 2007

2009-07-28T07:50:00.000-07:00

two years ago, during this week, i sat for the NY bar exam. i put myself up in a nice hotel within walking distance from the exam venue and ordered room service. i remember arguing with the chef about the dish. i wanted it without red wine. he insisted on the red wine. i explained that i cannot take it because it's alcoholic. he said, "but ma'am, when we cook it evaporates!" i said that's not the point. i also remember that the bed was king size and it was way too high. the room was too dark, so i carried the chair into the bathroom and studied there. he was taking the exam in Manhattan while i took it in Albany. his cell were switched off. which was expected, as he always goes into crazy isolation every time he studies. i was totally avoiding studying. i took long walks in albany although there wasn't much to see. i called and emailed everyone because i was lonely and scared and i couldn't tell that to anyone.

on the second day of the exam, i ordered in-room breakfast, but couldn't eat that much. halfway into the morning session that day, i had a migraine. during lunch, i went back to the hotel room to rest and ended up vomiting my breakfast out. i took a short nap, and stopped by a CVS on the way back to the exam hall for the afternoon session for Skittles and Mars bar to keep my energy up.

40 minutes before the exam ended, i walked out of the hall to catch the 4.30 pm bus back to Boston. it was the last bus out from Albany, and i was adamant in not spending another night, even hour, in Albany after the exam. the bus started its engine at the strike of 4.30, and i remember feeling excited and proud at the fact that i was already in the bus while the other suckers were still in the hall.

i arrived home around 9pm and took a LOOOOONG bath. he called, and was shocked to hear that i'm already home. "what time did you go home???", he asked. i said i'll tell him once he's back. he came home around 1am, and i stayed up to wait for it. we sat at the high table in the kitchen and talked and talked and talked. well, actually, i sat ON the high table. i told him my 4.30 bus story, and he laughed so hard, he nearly fell off the chair. when he could gasp for air, he said, "you are SUCH an idiot!" and then laughed some more.

that night we were happy that the nightmare is finally over, that we survived through one of the toughest exams in the States.

later that night, he and i went quiet. we were quiet because now that the nightmare is over, i had no reason to stay there anymore. we had no reason anymore.

on this, i wrote to a dear friend:

"So, with the conclusion of the exams, my days here are numbered. Feels like I'm dying all of a sudden! Maybe more like reincarnation. 

In the previous life, I met an identical twin with the same idiotic soul."

this IS all in my head

2009-07-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

hey,

1. have you seen the new pussycat dolls video clip for "i will survive"? you should have a look at it. now, watch it and tell me why it is damn familiar ;-)

YES... the disco ball is SO aliensong. haha. i love that clip. three years later, it's still hilarious. i was wishing that the same would happen in the pussycat dolls video too .

2. ooh, i also saw a clip of W&G on youtube (very busy weekend). i like the "hi poodle". and also the "who's your daddy". which reminds me, you used to say that all the time. things not to say when you're calling a girl you've just known for a week. that, and "what's up, bitch?" hahaha. priceless. and you used to be all disappointed when i refused to reply with "you are" (like Karen does). i never did. and then you stopped asking.

3. "poodle" is a funny word. i think it's because there are a lot of round letters in it.

4. let me guess what you did last weekend. go out on friday night after work either for a drink with your "friends"/"acquaintances" or to a club. in the case of the latter, you'd stay till 3am drinking water (tap, like you're gonna pay for water) and listening to your ipod. possibly sent skype messages too (because there's no way you would sms... that's like 10 cents a message). take the bus home and slept at 5am. woke up at noon, gym, work. OR woke up at noon, call your mom, work, do groceries.

after 9pm, repeat last night's activities.

routine, much? ;-)

5. witch reminds me.. i was watching the OC last night, and the character said, "brag, much?" haha. funny for two reason: (1) anything with 'much' is funny; and (2) it reminds me of "it's the number one law firm in the NL, EVER."

ps: je am bored. i am so bored, i was this close to cleaning the house.

2009-05-24T20:00:00.001-07:00

"Hey now now, we're goin' down down
and we ride the bus there and pay the bus fare
or we find a new reason, a new way of living
and we breathe it in and try to dream again"

(The Cloud Room, Hey Now Now)

2009-04-22T21:19:00.000-07:00

It's been a funny first quarter. Although, not necessarily "funny ha ha".

January was fun as I had the Qatar and Dubai trip. I caught up with an old university -friend all the way in Qatar although we both live in Malaysia and are always a phone call away. Accidentally sat next to a guy who does the exact same thing that I do (international investment –public international law stuff), only in DC for about 10 times of what I’m paid.

Dubai was a lot of fun with C as my gracious host who gave me the bedroom and took the couch outside himself. LOVE the city. Love the high-rise and the old markets by the river. Hate the sand that sneaked through the sides of my sunglasses and into my eyes. Made friends with a couple from NY during the safari trip. VERY cool pair. The trip ended with an elegant dinner with a view of the Buruj with C and A (another LLM classmate), during which the following conversation ensued:

C: A, there’s a reception next week in Dubai for alumni from H@rvard, NYU, C0lumbia and Y@le. You want to go?

A: Why? Are they from the law schools?

C: No, not just the law grads. It’ll be fun.

A: But what’s the point? What do I have in common with them? If they are from the law schools, I understand… we could talk about practice. Even ifthey are from the business school, it’s understandable. But what am I supposed to talk about with some guy from the Engineering school?

C: Well, you can talk about common interests. Maybe you’d find someone who likes horse-riding too. You’ll make more friends.

A: I already have friends. Look, the only similarity all of us would have is that we all went to a good school. Then what? It’ll be like, “Hi, I’m A, from H@rvard. Where did you go?”, “Columbia”, “Cool, high five!”

Maybe it’s a Muslim thing, but I always avoid those receptions as well during the LLM years. Of course, at that time, I found grocery shopping more fun.

Anyway, February came and I lost two friends on the same day. One died. The other one, I killed him. Well, not so much “killed” as I consider him “as good as dead” (my exact words). To the one who died, a journey was taken to attend the burial, filled with humble prayers and recount of stories of the departed in lowered voice. To the one who’s as good as dead, there was no such satisfaction of having a closure. Hanging up on the cell or clicking the “Send’ button for the last email, no matter how hard you closed the flip phone or pressed the mouse, just doesn’t do it. Not having given a burial, the ghost lingers.

I couldn’t remember what happened in March. That must mean it was not a bad month, for, unlike my brother, I am not gifted with the ability to forget bad experiences. Instead, they have a tendency of emerging in my mind, playing as if it was a recorded movie. In my head lies a “person” that surreptitiously records scenes without my being aware, who would then proceed to replay it at the most unsuitable moments. Not unlike the Lingam incident. I also discovered that “bad experiences” could as well be “happy experiences” remembered at the wrong time. Anyway, that’s why my stories are usually long and detailed. I remember the exact expression, the pauses, the slightly raised eyebrow and the smirk. I remember what was worn and what was said and how.

Oh, I now remember. March is the month which I was (on a smaller rank) at par with D@ve B@rry, having published my humor column on the same newspaper I first read his, during my European trip many years ago. Funny how my best humor piece came at a time when I didn’t have much to laugh at or with.

In April, I read about 8 books. Not having to refer my books as “movies” when I want to talk about them, I re-discovered my long-left passion.

In April, I laughed out loud at an inappropriate time while sitting at the dinner table during B’s little get-together. M asked why, but I just shook my head. The truth is, as I looked around the dinner table at the pregnant ladies/excited fathers- and aunt-to-be, I couldn’t help but think of a sitcom we used to watch, Notes from the Underbelly. It featured two friends who were pregnant at the same time. They have a mutual friend called Cooper; a brash, bitchy little divorce attorney lady friend. One who switches off the baby “walkie talkie” and said, “Enough about the babies, now let’s talk about me”. That’s not what I was feeling, but I couldn’t help but think that, in this group, I’m that bitch.

We liked Cooper.

I told B that I would get her the “vibrating thing that babies love” as a present. But I now change my mind. Sorry! But my principle had always been to buy the MOTHER a present, not the baby. Reasons being:
1) I’ve known the mother longer;
2) The baby won’t remember;
3) The baby would have gotten a lot of presents anyway; and
4) The mother is the one who does all the job.

In April, I tried writing again, but the magic is gone. Without pain/anger, there’s nothing to escape from.

In April, I saw our names on Ch@nnel V and freaked out. BIG time. The ghost lingers indeed. It goes to show that it was wrong for me to tell someone that he is dead to me. The dead has a way of haunting you. I should have considered him as brain dead instead.

Anyway, I later found out from a respectable, Grammy-nominated source that it wasn’t me. So that’s that.

In April, I look forward to May. And gelato, and 1 euro strawberries.

The best thing is, since August 2007, I’ve never slept better (full 7 hours, undisturbed) as I have for the last 2 months :-)

2009-02-19T22:38:00.000-08:00

these days when i sleep, there would a phase when i seem to have shut off my consciousness, but i'd become entirely AWARE of everything subconscious in me. every heartbeat, every breath, every thought, every feeling, every fear. i would be aware of the fact that i'm thinking in my sleep, and i'd want to wake up so that i can stop this bizarre, heightened sense of awareness and have another attempt at a thoughtless sleep. but i cannot wake up. it feels like drowning, like i fell into the water from a great height and got so taken by the undercurrent that i no longer know which way is up, so i cannot try to get to the surface.

then i would just try to ride it out. it's like swimming out from an island, and i suddenly found that i've swum too far out and the water is too deep that i suddenly get the chills, cancelling my otherwise perfect ability to swim. but i also know that i cannot make it back to the island where i started, so i keep on swimming in the same direction, hoping that there's a dry land not that far front that i simply cannot see yet.

it is usually at this moment that i would think, i can die now. i can die like this.

and then i wake up.

2009-01-23T02:14:00.000-08:00

i was having a slight fever this morning. drowsy from the two pills of panadol i had taken after breakfast, i found myself taking a short nap at noon. during which i remembered, Q is supposed to have his interview today. so i texted him, "your interview today?" he answered, "no." i immediately suspected that something is amiss, and replied, "you cancelled?" no answer. that means yes. another message, "why?" he responded, "my hands are tied." being my abrasive self, i asked further, "by?"

the answer was, "by the circumstances."

i remember, in my sleepiness, feeling downright outraged at this defeatist attitude. circumstances may be a factor, but circumstances don't just happen. to some extent, one can create the circumstances surrounding one's self. and then i remembered that this is the same person who really wanted to do an LLM at the States but could not get himself to even apply... even then, ruled by his "circumstances".

i found myself waking up determined.

to read (again).
to do (more).
and it has to be this year.

i've been wanting to go far (in more than one way) since last year, but had stopped short of doing anything to get it.

i'm tired of waiting for my circumstances to change.

yesterday, while on skype with him, i was telling him about how i was put in  the spot in front of my parents, and for the first time ever i answered it straight. he said, "you could have said this...." i asked why would i say that? he said, "so you can avoid the question better." to his credit, that would be a typical melissa-way of doing things. without thinking, i said, "i'm done avoiding."

and then i realised that i AM done avoiding.

big T jokingly calls it my "mid-life crisis". i don't think  that's what it is. it's more like my un-life crisis.

yeah, i'm okay...

2009-01-13T06:03:00.000-08:00

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|\|\|	18%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|\|\|	22%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

not a morning person

2009-01-10T02:25:00.000-08:00

the mornings are the worst. it's the first few seconds between stirring out of sleep and being fully awake, between being comforted by the first whiff of familiar feel and smell of having slept in my own bed and coming to awareness of where i am. and then i'll realise where i am not. then a wave of disappointment hits me, and a sinking feeling sets in. sometimes it stays for the rest of the day. and that's how i start my day. every single day.

2008-12-30T02:46:00.000-08:00

"Bates Hotel", Singapore

watching Cashmere Mafia...

him: i don't like her.
me: why? she's ok, kinda pretty.
him: i don't like how she's cheating on her husband.
me: no... she's not sleeping with that guy. that's the other girl on Lipstick Jungle.
him: look, she's all flirting with that guy.
me: ...

i shut myself up just in time. i've learned by now to quit while i'm ahead and NOT make a big deal out of it.

2008-08-31T08:05:00.000-07:00

my fave imam led a prayer last night. he said,

"O Lord, accept us, protect us, purify us."

and then smoke got into my eyes.

Bros Before Hos

2008-08-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

the following is a conversation via Facebook chatbox with my bro, who's "working".

Me: where got kerja can facebook some more

Bro: monkey la

Me: haha

Bro: got buy boomerang

Me: what for? eh.. can. nanti kita buat hiasan kat rumah baru hang

Bro: balik nanti nak test baling

Me: nanti dia mai balik, kita lari

Bro: orang kedai tu pun suruh lari

Me: haha. stupid la. aborigines where got run also. kita try weekend ni la. take video.

Bro: got.

Me: you where also?

Bro: melbourne

Me: melbourne got what one? eh, hang sempat gi kedai lagi tak?

Bro: nak apa?

Me: they have this chocolate, nama dia PODS. sedap!!! kalau kat airport ade, got buy many many

Bro: see la how

Me: if got la

Bro: ok. melbourne got boomerang.

Me: boomerang where can eat also

YES, it runs in the family.

i myself don't really know how we came to develop this 'language' when we talk to each other. i remember once when he was visiting me at my school, and we were happily talking for half an hour, only to discover later that my English teacher was sitting at the table behind me. haha!

2008-08-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

From: me
To: him
Subject: newsflash

1. Usain Bolt ran in the 4 x 100m for Jamaica. they won. broke world record again.

2. John Mayer broke up with Jennifer Aniston. Melissa disappointed... i actually thought they are a cute couple

3. does you know that "what is the price?" in French is "Elle fait combien?", which literally means "she does how much?" haha.. je thought it was SO wrong.

4. Malaysia is on E! news today.. for denying Avril Lavigne from giving a concert in KL. not sure why... maybe for "being irritating".

that's all. ;-)

je am bored...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

From: him
To: me
Subject: Re: newsflash

Si!

In case you hadn't noticed... My skype phone doesn't work in NL... We hate not having skype... Especially when we have lots of nothings to tell...

2008-08-16T23:26:00.001-07:00

him: we're going to a high tea now. what does 'high' even mean?

me: 'hi tea'. that's british for 'hello'.

him: oh that makes more sense.

counting down

2008-08-16T23:17:00.000-07:00

"i dreamed my way through life, really. it was all just waiting. eating breakfast is waiting, so i don't eat much. sleep was waiting, so i couldn't sleep much, even though i wanted to, because sleeping is a good way of getting through eight hours or whatever. watching tv was waiting, so i couldn't follow the programmes."

Nick Hornby, 'Slam'

every day i wake up, i think, "one day less".  only i don't know what i'm counting down to. 

weirdest idea ever

2008-08-16T06:13:00.000-07:00

him: have you watched the newest project runway?

me: no. i don't really like the show...

him: yes, you do!

me: no.... it's just that you made me watch it last time.

him: whatever. you know how heidi used to say at the beginning of the show, "hello, designers!" now, she's changed her opening. now, she just says, "hallo." i guess she must have forgotten to bring her script card.

me: haha.

him: and you know what... i think that heidi klum is actually part of hitler's plan to conquer the world...

me: huh?

him: yeah. she's german, she has a popular tv show, which she starts with "hallo", which is actually german for "hello"... before you know it, the whole world would be speaking german.

me: hahahahahahahaha.

2008-08-12T07:56:00.000-07:00

From: me
To: him
Subject: fact of the day

does you know that i was born on the year of the Dog according to chinese calendar?

so technically, i AM a bitch ;-)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

From: him
To: me
Subject: Re: fact of the day

hahaha... and I'm a rat... I believe. Which makes sense.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

i later emailed him about the dog statue in japan, to which the following emails ensued....

From: him
To: me
Subject: Re:

Dogs are more loyal than people... something to think about.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

From: me
To: him
Subject: Re:

then we're lucky that i'm a bitch and you're a poodle.

2008-08-11T05:21:00.000-07:00

him: oh no, it starts raining again! and i didn't bring my umbrella.
me: you never bring your umbrella.
him: i hate it when it rains. and you know the rain turns me into a poodle....
me: hahahahaha... we love the word "poodle". it's a funny word.
him: right??!
me: it's so funny. when i hear "poodle", i immediately have this image in my head...
him: what image?
me: the day when we went shopping at the outlet place, you came to the P0rt Authority all drenched from the rain, and you said, "i was thinking, 'let's go for the 'wet look' today'."
him: haha.
me: you DO look like a poodle when it rains.
him: give me 'hateful'!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i was checking chinese astrology today just for fun , and one sentence jumped out to me. it says that (a person who was born in the year of) the Dog has the need to be loyal. it doesn't say that the Dog is loyal, instead it is necessary for it to be so. and that necessity is independent from whether or not such loyalty is demanded by someone else.

that explains SO much...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i'm reminded of a dog statue in Japan. the statue was put up to commemorate an actual pet dog, Hachi-ko. everyday, he walked to the train station with his owner, a Professor, in the morning, and waited there in the evening to walk home together. one day, the Professor died in a stroke in his office. every day since then, for nine years, Hachi-ko walked to the station in the morning, and waited for the Professor in the evening. when he died, this statue was erected in his honor, for his loyalty. either that or he had OCD ;-)

2008-08-10T05:32:00.001-07:00

me: my dad says that if i can't use my phone anymore, he'll pay half for a new one. and then he said, i can get a blackberry if i want. i'm like, no, not that crap. we like iphone. (no, i didn't say that) i said, "thank you", with my head tilt and fake asian smile.

him: i like iphone. i like how you can make the screen bigger. would be easy if you could make everything bigger like that...

me: everything? you mean in real life? "melissa, zoom 150%". haha.... but the deal is that we wont get a new one until my current hp cant be used anymore

him: i'm thinking phone dropped in bathtub. "accidente".

me: shut up! i was just typing that!!

him: you should get a skype phone too.

me: i was thinking that.

him: or a life  ;-)

me: haha. we like skype phone better. skype phone IS life.....wow, i'm deep!

him: you are.

*this entry is in no way sponsored by Skype or Skype phone manufacturer.

we love skype phone

2008-08-08T23:16:00.000-07:00

him: I don't like the term 'goody two shoes'.
me: why?
him: i don't know.... too many "O"s. i don't trust that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

him: there's this show, where they tell "your momma" jokes. it was SO funny.
me: do you remember any?
him: umm.. no.
me: so the point of your story is just to tell me that you heard funny jokes on tv, not to tell me the jokes.
him: haha, yes. let's google it up.

minutes later...

him: this one's funny. your momma's so ugly, when she went to... umm, let's just say 'cosmetic surgeon'..
me: what?
him: 'cosmetic surgeon'.
me: what does it write in the joke?
him: 'beautician'.
me: and you didn't think i'd know what that means??
him: oh okay. "your momma's so ugly, when she went to the beautician, it takes them 12 hours... to give a quote."
me: haha! i did not see that coming.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

me: how come i can't get through when i call you?
him: yeah, i've been told there's a problem calling me. a friend tried calling and couldn't too. she asked, "are you blocking my calls?" so, i said, "of course i am".

Hope for the Hopeless?

2008-08-06T07:18:00.000-07:00

To: F
From: me

hello!! looks like london's treating you right ;-) i have a question that's rather odd, but i figured that since you're into photography, maybe you can help out. 

i'm on a search of an anonymous woman photographer who was at Columbus Circle on 13 August 2007. more specifically, i'm looking for the pictures that she took on that day. of me and my best friend just lepak-ing in front of the fountain, sharing an ipod. i just happened to realised then that she was zooming and clicking away from the other side of the circle, but simply ignored it. 

it's just that now, thinking back, that was a very happy day. and it would be nice to have it to remember by. 

 i know none of the above is a question, ;-) so the question is: do you know whether there is some kind of bulletin board/ website where a lot of ny photography enthusiasts frequent, so that at least i would know in which hay i need to start looking for my needle? tried googling but to no avail. 

i know this is hopeless, but i'm hoping once i start looking, fate would take over with a miracle. 

ps: i personally think you do portraits best

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: F
To: me

Hi M,

Thanks for that, nice to hear from you. The forums I know of are fred miranda, photography on the net and dpreview, but there are lots of others.

Before you start posting, consider how you will have to expose yourself to a lot of unnecessary publicity during the search, and even then, I think you realize that the odds of finding the photographer are very slim.

Have a look around, but it is probably best to focus on making new memories. Draw yourself a sketch that reminds you of the day and send it to him / her.

Take care,
F

Idiot's Guide to Socially Acceptable Behaviour Regarding Your Significant Other

2008-08-05T00:57:00.000-07:00

Rule 1

Terms of endearment can only be used in public when it is accompanied with a subsequent mean statement.

Eg: "Sweetie, you're wearing that to dinner?"

you got my vote

2008-07-28T07:16:00.000-07:00

see, if the local political scene looks like the one above, THEN i would be following the evening news religiously.

may i present to you Mayor Gavin Newsom. whom fate brought into my life (and Kelly's) 19 hours too late.

YES, we only found him approximately 19 hours after he just got married. when we read the news, both Kelly and i went, "NOoooo!!!"

there goes our monday morning.

but that didn't stop us from enlisting ourselves on his campaign's mailing list, while innocently leaving our postal address empty. what? can i help it if i'm interested in cross-border politics?

later, i emailed him about Mayor Newsom. he replied, "Gavin Newson... pronunciation: Gayvin...?"

my reply, "sticks and stones, Sweetie... sticks and stones".

more unquotable quotes

2008-07-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

restless melissa went through her bedside drawer and found an old Christmas card and a fridge magnet that she bought during NY trip No. 1/2008.

the card had been forgotten in the drawer for many months. the word "such" appears three times in the card in two consecutive sentences. the third sentence reads, and i quote in verbatim: "i know, i had you at "Bitch".

i guess we can rule out "working for Hallmark" as his future career possibility ;-)

the fridge magnet reads:

"i beg you... to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. and the point is, to live everything. live the questions now. perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer... (rainer maria rilke)"

hmm.

i'm thinking, that must have been one hell of a BAD day for me to actually buy this fridge magnet. good quote though.

now all i need is a fridge to go with it.

eFriend

2008-07-27T07:38:00.000-07:00

we have a game where one guesses the other's fave line in a song. the latest guess was on KT Tunstall's Suddenly I See (mine) and Estelle's American Boy (obviously his). i can't really remember how the game started. i suspect it came up when we were occupying ourselves during the 8-hour bus ride in a snowstorm from Boston to NY. that's what you get when you have two restless people with extremely short attention span with nothing to do or eat.

it's generally quite easy to guess. it would be that one great line OR when the beat changes. but some songs are harder to guess than others, like John Legend's Ordinary People (it's "maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return". he thought it was either "i know i misbehaved" OR "i still want you to stay") and Kylie Minogue's Chocolate (actually, we both couldn't figure out our fave line, we like the whole song. although, i personally believe the line "if love were human it would know me" is genius).

anyway, he doesn't know this song, but this would be one of the difficult songs.

my fave line: "a sudden slip from where we used to be a year ago".

good song....

too good for comfort.

made to order

2008-07-27T05:20:00.000-07:00

on the fourth day of negotiation, Big T, myself and Kevin headed to $tarbucks for a little pick-me -up. after i made my order, the guy behind me ordered for, "one tall Americano".

i started to giggle. Big T asked why. i said, "you know what would be funny? if we come here and order for "one tall American". Big T laughed.

then i added, "or to be precise, since it IS $tarbucks, it has to be 'one tall, non-fat American'."

Big T added, "with whipped cream".

we laughed some more.

then Big T said, "to go?"

i immediately answered, "no, having here."

;-D

meanwhile, since i thought it was hilarious, i told him about it later that day (MUCH later... the meeting ended at 4am). and all i got was a pause and an "ookay..".

hmph.

je still think it's damn funny. inappropriate, but funny.

unquotable quotes

2008-07-15T08:29:00.001-07:00

"when i was in primary school, i used to think adults are so childish"

said Kevin, while we leaned on our cushioned seats, after eating way too much for dinner. earlier, he asked, "where do you want to go?" i said, "bring me to a place  in S1ngapore where i won't find it myself, and where there's not many people. i hate big crowds." and as  he hailed a cab to head for Dempsey. i love that place. former colonial barrack buildings on the hilly side were turned into chic cafes, art galleries, antiques shops and gourmet groceries. we ate at the Barracks, where they also offer massages while you wait for your food. i thought it's just weird to have someone on your table being massaged... imagine having to sustain a conversation through that.

"S1ngapore is depressing. i think it's because it has no character. it gets everything right, but it's not IT. S1ngapore is like that girl in high school that tries too hard to be cool.. she hangs out with the right crowd, she wears the rights clothes, but she's still not cool because she's trying to be someone else,"

i wrote to Kelly and exclaimed to Has. it's true. with the refurbished, cotton-candy colored Chinatown, the sparkling new Riverside... everything is so obvious. in the limited territory of the city state, there's no space for subtleties. and there are too many people everywhere for my liking. it's also ironic that i love New York but cannot stand a 3-day stay in S1ngapore.

"it's the hand gestures..."

says Has, while i stopped mid-sentence to ask why she's smiling like that. i've forgotten how i have the tendency to make what he calls "small Asian hand gestures" when i get animated.

"oh, there's a 50% discount?"

melissa pleasantly surprised, while checking at the cashier in Nine West after the dinner. suddenly the city state is much less depressing to me...

"please leave a message after the tone"

said the other side of the line for the upteenth time. i know he's traveling and had said earlier that we'd talk when he returns, but je still don't like it when the call goes to the voicemail.

"you forgot about the time difference with the west coast... you were calling at 6am. i'm thinking, i'm not picking this up". 

yeah, i don't do maths.

"i had a list of things that i was looking for in a wife. it was two-page long". 

said Dwayne, the random guy from New Jersey Kelly and I met on the boat to the paradise island. he's sweet. and looks totally different with his sunglasses. when i saw him without, i made a little mental note, "always insists on going indoors so that he would have to take off his shades." married for 20 years, he still speaks of his wife as if they had just started seeing each other.

"i love this ring so much i'll marry myself"

i bought a ring last fortnight. while Sophie was trying on 2 pants and a top in the fitting room, i got bored and browsed the stores next door. went to Diamond Platinum and fell in love with each of the 27 tiny, sparkling stones on the ring. i just picked it up from re-sizing on Tuesday. meedah asked, "what's the occasion? engagement ring?" i replied, "no occasion. not engagement ring either, just a fabulous singles ring."

nice rack

2008-06-28T02:17:00.001-07:00

i found the perfect rack for my dear shoes... it's simple, it allows me to see all my shoes and most importantly, expandable!! even as it is, there's some space left for more. and it was found in Manila. so i logged it all the way back to Malaysia. together with my new transparent necklace holder (on the extreme left in the picture below).

Melissa happy!

ps: i'm opting to ignore your snickering, Ms Mar'ie ;-)

problem listening

2008-06-22T14:05:00.000-07:00

he said: talk to you soon
it feels like he's saying: we'll talk when i don't have anything else going on. which would never happen.

he said: we can still do the visit next year.
it feels like he's saying: ...i'm not coming in the next 6 months, minimum. and after that, we'll see.

he said: plus, i'll be in london for 2 years, and you'll probably travel to europe for work or for a visit. and i may move to australia after that...
it feels like he's saying: ...who knows what's going to happen.

he said: don't be sad/ disappointed
it feels like he's saying: don't make me feel bad

he said: i need to hang up.
it feels like he's saying: i want to hang up.

he said: so, you see, there's no reason to worry at all.

and it feels like there's no reason to believe.

it's ironic when the blasphemous secular catholic has all the faith in the world...

birthday

2008-06-22T06:32:00.000-07:00

From: him
To: me
Sent: Sunday, 22 June 2008 3:33:22
Subject: Re:

Rooftop was OK tonight... busy... long line... too crowded... you know, the usual. Also known as, I wish I had stayed at home and watched my stories ;-) haha.

Thanks for your call at midnight! I'm like...wow, that's special... THANKS!!! 

-------------------------------------------------------------------
From: me
To: him
Sent: Sunday, 22 June 2008 8:28:12
Subject: Re:

 Thanks for your call at midnight! I'm like...wow, that's special... THANKS!!!
--> but of course...  you're funny when you over-use exclamation marks to fake emotions ;-)

NY in one week

2008-06-17T01:12:00.000-07:00

"guess who's back?"

my first sms in the City, right after clearing immigration. 5 minutes later, a reply came in, "guess who's working?" to which i replied, "guess who's a terrorist suspect?", but only after we have safely left the airport.

"and i thought, with all the shit i have to live with being an indian, at least i won't get freckles"

a conversation i was having with a new, slightly drunk acquaintance. met up with David and his friend (whom i shall call Steve because i cant remember his real name now) tagged along to an after-party of an earlier gay lawyers reception which has moved to a restaurant/bar located on an unnumbered street in manhattan. of course, not before we followed Steve back to his apartment for him to change because, as he put it, his current shirt is not "gay enough". anyway, freckles guy was david's other friend we met at the after-party. the story is that he believes he is the only indian in the world who has freckles. a diagnosis that was confirmed by his dermatologist.

he called to ask where i am, and i told him. he said, "i left you alone for ONE night... " haha.

steve later told me, "you are the most interesting person here tonight... you're not a white gay guy."

that, i certainly am not.

"he sent me a thank you card" 

Bill told me while having mocktail at the tower restaurant. fantastic view. absent-mindedly i answered, "yeah, he told me about it". five seconds later, i went, "wait... a card?? don't you mean an email?" Bill  said, "no, a CARD." while tracing an invisible rectangular card in the air with his index fingers, looking very amused. i myself was beyond amused. so thrown out of the track that i don't know what to say, so i said, "he likes cards." Bill smiled and let it slip.

"there's no cafe" 

12.20 am on a friday night, he took an earlier flight all the way from atlanta just so that we can do this cafe thing that i have been talking about for a week. he took a cab straight from the airport to the address i gave him. only, there's no cafe. i suggested asking a concierge in a nearby apartment building, maybe he has heard of the cafe (which is supposed to be touristy and famous, being the site for a Meg Ryan movie). outside the door, he acted as if he's asking the concierge, "hi, my girlfriend here is an idiot. do you know where cafe l0la is?" i know the operative word in this sentence is "idiot", but i remember thinking, that's the first time i've ever heard him using the word "girlfriend". ended up walking home 30 blocks for 2 hours. so much for my good intentions. he wanted to walk up to the Trump Hotel at Thomas Circle, pretending to be a guest, but i didn't play my part, thinking he was just joking. saw the shooting of the movie "when in rome" in front of the central park entrance near thomas circle. starring fergie's husband (no idea who he was, apparently he's on Vegas). when i got back to my hotel room, i looked the cafe up on google. i got the address wrong by three streets. idiot indeed.

"no sir, there were no charges beyond $50 in your account last month" 

aka, no Nine West shoes. and we only remembered about it 20 minutes before i am due to leave for the airport. so much for all the hassle in denying veto right on my shoe selection,  explaining that i wasn't asking for the credit card number and ordering online while simultaneously being on the phone. i felt like a customer service phone operator. "do you see a black leather 3-inch shoe in the 5th row? click once and choose size 5.5. then click "add to shopping bag".

"yours always looks better than mine" 

on food at my favourite sidewalk sushi restaurant. the last sushi. mood: whiny. "fyi: i don't like the name of the restaurant." so i said, "i take note of that and we'll put it on record, okay?" and apparently my food looks better. which is surprising, as mine was a big bowl of udon soup with everything floating together while his is in the typical compartmentalized japanese tray. "but i thought you like those trays, because the food doesn't touch each other". "yeah, but the colour's ugly". thoughtful that it was our last hour, i let that slip.

"no. don't do the whole sad thing..."

while hailing my cab. we realised that it's easier to hail a cab if he's the one hailing rather than me. racist, but true. but i don't mind. i like looking at the cab's reaction when they realised that they've been duped. but i hate when he says that, as if there's a choice and i'm checking the wrong box intentionally.

"shit! we forgot to take a picture" 

that, i believe, was the last thing manhattan heard me shouting from inside the yellow cab, right as the traffic light turn green at the crossroad of 8th Avenue and 50th street.

"we'll do it next time....this doesn't change anything" 

the last thing i heard from him who jogged along the cab as it turned into the west of 50th street. must be nice to still have all that  youthful optimism.

The Real Report on the 13th Session of UNCITR@L Working Group VI

2008-05-20T15:34:00.000-07:00

Day 1

The session starts late. Apparently this is not just a Malaysi@n thing, it's universal. very aptly UN, i must say. what's unMalaysi@n is the lack of (a) drinks for the participants, not even water; and (b) food, not even sweets to keep us awake so that we can pretend to listen.

at the start of the session, i text to him, "look at me all UN delegate. boy, are we excited."

30 minutes later, i text, "Aaaaand we're done!"

20 minutes of the morning session is spent praising, nominating and  seconding the Canadian delegate to become Chair of the session.

another half of the morning session is spent congratulating the Chair for being elected, as if it is a surprise to the delegates. this is coming from the same delegates that spoke for her nomination. and may i add, she was the only nominee.

i also find it funny that every time the French delegate wants to speak, the Chair would immediately become French herself. she would go, "thank you, the distinguished delegate of Nigeri@. La France, s'il vous plait." even after France has spoken, and the US wants to speak. she would still be French, going, "j'ai Les Etats Unis..."

i'm like, Sweetie, stop pretending you're Celine Dion ;-)

the afternoon session was difficult. not really due to the subject matter of the discussion. as i was fighting to stay awake, i realized that the Mexic@n delegate is texting furiously. WHILE glancing furtively to the person in front of me, which is the Gu@temalan delegate.

i was thinking, can it be...??

seconds later, Gu@temala picks up her phone, reads a newly received text, and replied immediately.

then coincidentally, Mexic0 picks up his phone, reads and smiles.

afer the session ends at 6, they left together.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Day 2

if there's anything that the UN should be complimented upon, it is its consistency. even if it is in being late. but at least they have one...

half an hour into the discussion, it hits me that the seat in front of me is empty. that's Gu@temala, if you've forgotten. instinctively, i look at Mexic0. also empty.

VERY interesting....

Gu@temala and Mexic0 only joined us at 12 pm. they did not arrive at the same time, of course. Mexic0 was 10 minutes earlier. it's called manners...  ;-)

btw, the furtive glancing continues.

we LIKE international relations.

wherefore art thou?

2008-05-19T03:26:00.000-07:00

Three delivery days have passed, and still no Nine West.

Waiting patiently,
Melissa.

NY: Huh, sunny... pretty.

2008-05-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

i'm starting to really like all these LONG travels. i think i've perfected the art of getting the most of the 24 hour flights. the key is sleep, lots of moisturiser with a dab of benzoyl peroxide, and lots of water. and you'll arrive looking better than when you boarded. or at least, you'll be deluded enough by the time change to think so.

movie to watch: Dan in Real Life. simple. quite moving. cute songs. big bro loves them.

and our new fave song, from the soundtrack of "Bernard and Doris":

arrived at Newark at 7. sent a text message: "Guess who's back?"
reply: "Guess who's working?"
i returned with a: "Guess who's a terrorist suspect?"
kidding.

went to Les Halles last night for dinner. chosen because: (a) it's a decent $6 cab-ride away; (b) it's open till 12 am; and (c) Anthony Bourdain.

really good food. and looks like Mr. Bourdain is practising what he's preaching.. this is the first high(er)-end restaurant i've been to where the Puerto Ricans/ Mexicans workers are visible as waiters, instead of being forever stuck in the kitchen as the dishwashers.

cons: lack of light. except of the one single candle on each table, it's pitch black. maybe it helps diners to order without worrying about the price too much.

hmm, sunday morning, and it's sunny. we like sunny NY. still have 1/4 of an agreement to vet, but after this, i'm thinking, brunch. in a nice white dress. by the park. mmmmm... maybe i should throw in a document or two on Secured Transaction that i'm supposed to be conversant in by tomorrow morning. being in the sun always makes me a better reader, anyway.

conversation last night:

him: i might have to go out-of-state for work this week.
me: oh no. how long?
him: one or two days.
me: do you know when?
him: not sure yet.
me: oh okay. it's just that there's this place i thought would be fun...and if you wont be around later this week, we can do it tomorrow or monday.
him: is it an eating place? because then just go ahead with someone else. plus i finish work too late for restaurants.
me: missing the point here. plus, it's open till 2am on weekdays.
him: what place is it?
me: i'm not telling. yet.
him: huh. so, it's a strip club?

haha.

ps: it's NOT a strip club. not that i know of, anyway.

2008-05-16T16:57:00.000-07:00

song stuck in my head: The Kooks - She Moves in Her Own Way. especially the part when they sing, "Paper dreams, honey..." no idea why.

so sleepy. too sleepy to even walk 20 steps to get the delicious-looking porridge that the guy at the next table is eating. we like porridge.

things to do before monday... finish vetting an agreement (yes, i've started... very proud of myself. am now at "Article 1"), equip myself with "4-credit subject in Harvard" equivalent of knowledge on Secured Transaction. God, let there be free wireless in the UN building so that i can google for the answer when pressed.

woke up at 4am this morning. went to the office at 5.45am. got to the airport at 6.30am. at the satellite terminal building by 6.45am. by 7.10am, i've already bought myself TWO tops at Mango.

in a job application form, i should put "multi-tasking" as a "strength". read: ADD. that's short form for "easily distracted by shiny things".

i dont know whether it's the lack of sleep, but there's something about the Golden Lounge at KLIA that feels and looks like a scene in Gattaca to me. what can it be? maybe it looks like the scene at the cafe of something. note to self, re-watch Gattaca to find out.

if there's one thing that MAS is doing right... it has to be that they know how to serve a Coke.
chilled - checked
can, NOT bottle - checked
ice cubes- checked
proper glass, not plastic - checked

and since they don't serve any straw, i'm spared with the inevitable diappointment that i usually get when they don't have a straw with a color that matches what i'm wearing. everybody wins.

cant believe i had coke at 7.30am this morning. i hesitated at first.. should get credit for that. but then i looked around, and the whites were gulfing down Heineken and what looks like a cocktail. at 7!!! so i'm thinking, there's a pequito addiction problem here....

still have that "paper dreams" line in my head.

have to go board my flight.

business class.

i'm sleepy, i dont like stewardesses waking me up when i'm sleeping... not for food, not for earphones, and definitely not for the hot towel. ice-cream's fine. who wouldnt want to wake up to an ice cream.

i should be flying in the "mind your own business" class.

shoes

2008-05-12T14:43:00.000-07:00

From: me
To: him
Sent: Monday, 12 May 2008 20:50
Subject:

beast, i might be buying shoes online and sending them over to you. is that okay?

and sorry, you can't veto on my choice this time. no permanent member status....yet ;-)

-----------------------------------------
From: me
To: him
Sent: Monday, 12 May 2008 22:14
Subject: PLEH, PLEH!!!

oh no!!! i need a local credit card. can you help? please, please, please, please, please... it's cheap(er), it's nice.. and of course i'll pay you back! the thing is, i went to the store in Soho last month, but they don't have my size in store. only online. and even then they are usually only available at the start of the sale, which is today.

IF you REALLY don't mind, then the ones i want are:

let's just take the UPS Express- 3 days shipping, so that they arrive while i'm there. which is only $6 extra.

ps: i'm not trying to get you to do anything ... feel free to refuse.. in which case i'll just cry myself to sleep ;-)

---------------------------------------------
on the phone:

him: you don't have my credit card info, right?
me: why would i have your credit card info??!
him: just checking ;-)
me: no, i'm not asking for them either. i said, you order them for me online. that's why i talked about the shipping.
him: okay. we'll do that on the phone together, so that i don't buy the wrong one.
me: yup. email when you're free.
him: oh, by the way, i didn't like the shoes. but i will order them for you.

---------------------------------------------

From: me
To: him
Sent: Tuesday, 13 May 2008 04:48
Subject: PLEH, PLEH!!!

i find it weird that you really thought i was asking for your credit card info...

i'm like, how many times do i have to tell you, I'm not Indonesian! ;-)

homeless

2008-05-11T05:01:00.000-07:00

March 2007

Phone conversation while filling in the online form simultaneously:

Him: Wait. what should we write for the "Home Address"? Is it the dorm address or the address of the house in summer or Europe/ Malaysia? Where's "home"?

Me: ...Where the heart is?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

April 2008

In the Chinese restaurant near Time Warner.. across the street from where Meryl Streep was getting honored for her lifetime achievement at the same moment:

Bill: So, how have you been doing since you went back home?
(pause)
Me: Well, when I left last August, it was hard for me to adjust to being back.
(pause)
Me:.. I'm still adjusting...

Bill smiled. No questions asked.

Later that night, after the Afro-Cuban Jazz thing, and having said my 'goodbye's and 'thank you's to Bill and Eric:

Bill (to me): So, where are you heading to now? Do you need a lift to where you're staying?

Him: Oh it's okay, we're walking home... it's just 5 blocks away.

2008-05-08T20:41:00.001-07:00

new favourite singer: DUFFY.

SO good...

we love office appliances!

2008-05-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

the last time i arrived in Manhattan, which was at 10 pm, i had to go straight to his office and wait till he finishes his "Important Work". after pretending to read for 15 minutes, and already knocking over my Sprite bottle, spilling it over my bag, which gained me that sharp look that i have forgotten about, i decided to walk around the office.

and then i saw a small binder clip. melissa happy. i LOVE small binder clips. standing over him, i said, "THIS is my second favourite office appliance."

he smiled, and replied, "you just want me to ask what is your favourite office appliance."

i retorted, "no! that's not it..."

a minute later.. i said, "you know you want to.."

and he did. it was this:

but TODAY, i came upon my new favourite office appliance.. EVER. it is an automatic sensor stapler.

the office must have just bought it. it's cute, it lights up, and it

maybe it's just my third-world country self, but it literally made me go, "ooh!"

scaring the hsit out of the PAs photostating in the same room.

now i know what i want for my birthday!! ;-) (i'm serious)

second chance

2008-05-07T09:08:00.000-07:00

From: me

To: him
Sent: Wednesday, 7 May 2008 9:57:20
Subject:

you're not picking up.. melissa disappointed.*

BUT i have good news. guess who'll be in new york from next weekend for whole week??!

YES... Bill. ;-) and Melissa. for "Important Work".

when my boss told me, i'm like, "love you, love everything about you. thinking of being you for halloween.."

yay.. melissa happy!!!

ps: dont freak out.. je have hotel this time ;-)

* no big deal. just that telling thru email is a little anti-climax. ;-) it's like, "SEND. ...now what?" if you know what i mean.

------------------------

From: him
To: me
Sent: Wednesday, 7 May 2008 10:13:42
Subject: Re:

GREAT!!! We love your job! So bad I couldn't pick up the phone...work is still crazy busy... slept 5 hours per night the last couple of days... I'd say, you call me back later this week and I will act all surprised.

quote: don't freak out, je have a hotel this time.
response: don't freak out, I have work this time ;-)

When exactly are you coming (dates)... now we can do all the things we planned in the first place...haha... hopefully work will permit.

2008-05-06T04:13:00.000-07:00

From: him
To: me
Sent: Tuesday, 6 May 2008 9:41:09
Subject:

Yes..... still at the office.

My colleague's husband got sick this morning (emergency) so she could not come to the office.... I'm covering for her... I don't think I will be leaving the office before 1:00 a.m. 

NY is sunny again...mmmmmmm

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: me
To: him
Sent: Tuesday, 6 May 2008 10:09
Subject:

you know what would have been disturbing? if you are covering for him ;-) haha.

we love sunny NY.

Maddox

2008-05-03T20:43:00.000-07:00

a lot of my friends have pointed out, often with a wink, that old white guys seem to be partial to me.

while i opt to ignore, what i do realize is that there are some old white guys, who would look at me like they know me and haven't seen me for a long time.

take, for instance, when we were at the Manhattan School of Arts and Technology, walking to watch a musical there. we were crossing the street, and there was a couple on the other side. the guy (white and old-er) looked at me for a long time as if he recognizes me from a long-time ago, and gave a warm smile that practically says, "oh, look, she's all grown up now."

meanwhile, i gave the guy a look that borders between , "i don't even know you" and "or do i?"

then i nudged and asked him, "did you see that?"

he didn't.

but i said, "that's what i've been telling you about! what is it about me that random old white guys look at me like i'm the adopted Asian grand-daughter they never had."

and just then did we realize that the couple were right behind us, walking to watch the same musical too.

iDiot

2008-05-03T03:14:00.000-07:00

since i came back from NY, i realized that my shower does not have hot water anymore. usually it takes some time to warm up, but i've tried putting it on for minutes, and the water is still cold.

so, everyday, i either:
a) shower at the my dad's bathroom; or
b) take cold showers.

for three weeks.

today, finally, the maintenance guy came to the house. and i made my serious face and complained.

he came in, turned the shower on, and then said that the water is hot.

i went to see.... and felt the water. it was hot. melissa confused.

then i realized that i have been turning the shower tap the wrong way.. i.e. to the right, when hot water is to the left.

HAHAHAHA!

note to self: must locate and reinstall brain this weekend.

iList

2008-05-03T01:26:00.001-07:00

our new favourite thing.. Green Tea Kit Kat. mmm...

we LOVE Green Tea Kit Kat!

*and by "our", i often mean "my". at least half of the time. the same goes for "we".

yesteryears

2008-05-02T21:58:00.000-07:00

him: we have a beauty pageant for disabled women.
me: je know. you showed me before.
him: that's like having an IQ test for people with Down Syndrome.

Breakfast in Bed

2008-05-02T05:18:00.000-07:00

when i was at the Time Warner Sephora, i decided to get the Philosophy "Breakfast in Bed" set for a good friend.

simply because she has been having a difficult and trying time lately, and i could only guess how overwhelmed she must be with everything that has been happening. but knowing her, i also know how she would try to put on a tough act and try to care for everyone, instead of concentrating on how she herself is coping.

so, i thought she could use a little pampering. i was thinking, even if she could get her mind off things for those few precious minutes in the shower, just enjoying the luxurious foams and scents, i'd be more than happy.

when i got home, i found out about another friend who just discovered that there are complications with her newborn baby. serious complications that would basically alter their lives forever as they know it now.

that is, if the baby survives.

all i can think of is how happy she was when she told me that she's pregnant again.

i always take bad news of friends personally. he finds this frustrating, and would go, "oh Melissa...(huge sigh)". he would always ask, "are you guys close?" and i always say, "that's not the point."

i never say what is exactly the point.

maybe it's just the realization of our mortality. maybe it's the seemingly randomness of fate. or rather, the certainty of fate and how there is no escape.

and that i will never have enough "Breakfast in Bed" sets to go around.

random thoughts of the day

2008-05-01T03:38:00.000-07:00

1. what is it about Connecticut that people tend to get married there? there's really nothing much...

but it made me realize one thing: Connecticut is the direct opposite of Las Vegas when it comes to getting married.

a Las Vegas wedding shouts, "we had a long, drunken night".

Connecticut says, "this is a lovely intentional union of two hearts... you can check our prenup!" ;-)

ahh, but with a view like that in fall...

2. i have a new theory. (we LOVE theories)

the art of being happy, is to tell one's self, "i'm happy".

i used to think that the trick is to think happy thoughts. but then that only works in a situation whereby the happy thoughts still have the possibility of reoccurring, i.e. things that you know are going to happen in the very near future.

but if your happy thoughts are things that have occurred in the long-lost past, they would then be counter-productive and instead depress you.

thus, i stop thinking happy thoughts. i stop all the "there was this time when..."s.

instead, i wake up in the morning thinking, "i am a happy person" and put the new Sara Bareilles song on full Macbook's speakers volume.

which, if you ask me, is not loud enough.

but happy people don't peeve over the volume of their laptop's speakers.

2008-05-01T03:10:00.001-07:00

From: him
To: me
Sent: Wednesday, 30 April 2008 8:40:19
Subject: Re:

Work is super busy again... Sorry for the short emails. We'll call
once things slow down

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: me
To: him
Sent: Wednesday, 30 April 2008 21:10
Subject: Re:

august??

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: him
To: me
Sent: Thursday, 1 May 2008 00:04
Subject: Re:

2009 ;-)

The Monsoon in NY; Ski Instructor in KL

2008-04-30T06:39:00.000-07:00

NY: Sunny, with sudden thunderstorms. and i left my umbrella at home. 

i see what went wrong now. the reason(s) is/are clear. there are only two possible explanations, either:

a) my brain got lost while connecting flights to NY; or
b) cross-continental air travel which takes place after 9 months from the last cross-continental travel causes a person to be an emotional wreck. i really believe that this could be or has been scientifically proven. probably by some obscure scandinavian scientist. 

i also believe that it can be scientifically proven that staying in NY for more than 6 months in the Midtown area would cause a person, especially of the male gender, to be a jerk. ;-)
ok, fine, a partial-jerk.*this is  only  true for those who do not originate from the City. 

silver linings from the NY trip:

- hometown feels more like home now;
- i finally got my tan;
- i figured that i'm a much better friend when i'm depressed. pressies for everyone! and
- i learned my lesson the hard way. which is... give me a second.. at the tip of my tongue.... hmm. seems like the lesson was learned, committed to memory, and forgotten after the test.

oh, and he decides to still stick around. despite having gone through the stifling (him) and frustrating (me) week. although it's hard to say whether that is really for me or the prospect of free accommodation and car in a tropical island for two weeks this winter. i'm kidding.. i know it's for the tropical island ;-)

anyway, he said the problem was that i was suddenly intense.

so, now i'm extending.  (intense - extense... got that?)

which is one of the reasons why i made...

... A New Mid-Year Resolution: to live in the right timezone. 

sounds so much more achievable than it really is. but i was thinking, after 9 months, it's about time that i force myself out of this jetlag and stop living in the wrong time, which, in my case, is about one year and a half behind.

tired of being inherently sad, i'm also resolving to be happy. think happy thoughts. make myself happy.

ok, that sounds wrong. but you know what i mean.

and what else can be of better help to my adjusting to being here and now than concentrating on a gorgeous dark-haired, stubbled Swiss expert in international tr@de for two whole days. now that's a gift from above.

and he didn't wear a red tie.

although, after getting a much closer look, having the advantage of him sitting next to me at after-lunch coffee, i must say that he looks very much like a ski instructor. after that, all i can see him in is a turtleneck sweater underneath a sporty wind-breaker jacket, and a huge brownish square sunglasses that cover a third of his face.

which makes me realize that i see the world in an animated way. like those old black and white movies, where some characters are cartoon, and some are human.

how very  Gabriel Garcia Marquez of me.

i believe the term is "magical realism". although, most people just call it "crazy".

anyway, i told him about the ski instructor.  i also told him about a funny message i received from an old uni friend (who is very young) who wrote, among others:

1. "You? Not getting married anytime soon? Please stop scaring away the boys with your wit and intellectualism" and

2. "PS. Something tells me I'm going to regret sending this e-mail. Just got back a while ago from the office so please read this with a certain sense of pity and humour."

so i said to him that i basically replied as follows:

1. yes, i still scare away guys for fun, but only when things are getting too quiet around here.... and that my demonstration of LACK of wit and intellectualism is actually even scarier; and

2. "don't worry, i always treat guys with some pity and humor" ;-)

he then said that i should've replied to my friend with a, "I don't even know you".

which is a VERY interesting suggestion. especially coming from someone who has been quasi-ignoring my emails, and replying scarcely with single-sentenced emails for the past week.

so naturally, i replied to him, "I don't even know you."  ;-)

but then a minute later i chickened out, and sent another email saying that i was just joking.

nevertheless, it got him to send an email of a whole paragraph apologizing for the short emails and that work is crazy busy again and that we'll call soon ,telling what his weekend plans are and that he wishes me a very good day.

again, very interesting....

have to go. i am kinda sleepy.

it's hard to be happy when you don't get enough sleep.

whoever thought that being happy would demand this much discipline?